i watched it 2 years ago,now it all flows back

All of a sudden, it all comes back to me.
I can strongly feel that it's striking me.
The anxiety, depression, a sensation of fear, complicated emotion...
it's so difficult to describe what im feeling inside.
I can hardly figure it out. What's going wrong?

I recalled almost everything after my TOEFL teacher mentioned about 維吉尼亞 Woolf, a female English novelist, whose most famous novel was called Mrs Dalloway. These reminded me of The Hours, one of my favorite movies, which is closely related with 維吉尼亞 Woolf and the book. The movie scenes quickly flashed back in my mind. Some details, some conversations, facial expression of 維吉尼亞, her steps towards suicide, the sorrowful music score by Philip Glass...all of them rushed into my head, making it a place so crowded. After i got home, i watched a clip from The Hours on Youtube. Then i felt like, i couldn't take this and ended up shedding tears.

I don't know why i love this movie so much. I remember i was under 18 when i watched it for the first time. Most people say that they don't understand the story. but i clearly do. i do understand and have a strong feeling for the movie. The only problem is that i can't tell anyone what exactly the feeling is. Although i do not know much about 維吉尼亞 Woolf at that time, i could still sense that she is a special talented women, living with mental illness, being sensitive about life and death. And also, the other two women in the movie are all different because they are under a mental pressure from life. Anyway, i googled 維吉尼亞 Woolf and i read her last words to her husband before she committed suicide:

　　Dearest,
　　I feel certain, that I'm going mad again.
　　I think we can't go through another of these terrible times
　　and I shan't recover this time.
　　I begin to hear voices
　　and can't concentrate.
　　So I'm doing what seems the best thing to do.
　　You have given me the greatest possible happiness.
　　You have been in every way all that anyone could be.
　　I know that I'm spoiling your life
　　and without me you could work
　　and you will.
　　I know.
　　You see I can't even write this properly.
　　What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my life to you.
　　You have been entirely patient with me
　　and incredibly good.
　　Everything is gone for me,
　　but the certainty of your goodness.
　　I can't go on spoiling your life any longer.
　　I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.


　　維吉尼亞.


Life is tough. Life is not beautiful. I believed it and still believe it.
We are all women with vulnerable heart.