往事

************這篇影評可能有雷************

35年前，他一無所有地離開紐約。不知道要去往哪裏，隨意買了一張票，進入候車室的大墻上貼了花哨海報，「去科尼島」。Ennio Morricone的排簫配樂深深淺淺勾勒出他疲累的心跳，和像是懸縛在飄搖聲綫上的命運和黑幫人生。鏡頭停留在同一個地方，接著他35年後那張年老的臉出現了，排簫悠然一轉，順勢響起的是約翰列農的「昨天」。

回到肥摩酒館，那間似乎沒有變化的廁所，他熟稔地揭開木墻上一塊鬆動的木條，望出去，像四十多年前的英俊少年那樣，歲月一下子回來了。

少年Noodles從那個孔眼裏能看到14嵗的少女Deborah在廢舊的倉庫裏翩翩起舞。白布袋雜亂堆在四週，空氣中永遠漂浮著塵埃，像隔了一層紗，讓陽光也帶上古舊的質感，溫暖稠重，一如回憶。留聲機緩慢轉動，一身白衣裙的Deborah美如天使，白瓷般的肌膚，鮮麗欲滴的嘴唇，柔軟的頭髮以一種自然又優雅的方式攏在腦後。踩著簡單音樂，舞步帶著粗糙的清香，像擁一簇帶露的蜜波花瓣在胸前。她時不時瞟一眼木墻上的那小塊缺口，那後面藏了一雙少年熱切的眼睛，羞澀地躲避，又忍不住嚮往那種美好。

Deborah的抱負似乎超過她的地位，她決心以實現夢想的方式來脫離下東區的骯髒鄙陋。
在倉庫裏，她讀一首自己寫的詩給少年聼。

My belove is white and ruddy.
His skin is as the most fine gold.
His cheeks are as a bed of spices.
Even though he hasn't washed since last December.
His eyes are as the eyes of doves.
His body is as bright ivory.
His legs are as pillars of marble.
In pants so dirty they stand by themselves.
He is altogether lovable.
But he'll always be a two-bit punk, so he'll never be my beloved.
What a shame.

儘管這部影片講述了許多骯髒至極的交易，性，暴力…… 這個瞬間卻總是牢牢留在我的回憶裏。
少年的眼睛都亮晶晶的炯炯有神。然後，很自然的，他吻了她。

這也許他們一生中，僅有的一次純真流露，就像所有少年時的愛戀一樣透明又清甜。

是的，也就僅有這麽一次，緊接著，他們的親吻被Maxie的叫聲打斷，而後Noodles 和Maxie被暴打。她站在緊閉的門後，將Noodles死命的呼喊與敲門聲置之不理。Deborah何嘗不是深愛Noodles，然而她打心眼裏看不起小癟三的生活，她理智地斬斷了他們之間的所有可能性。

可我分明看到她棕色的大眼睛裏閃爍的淚光。

大概是十四、五年後吧，Noodles從監獄裏出來。這時他的幾兄弟已不是小癟三了，他們做交易，有了穩定的事業。他在酒會上，見到久違的Deborah。

Aren't you going to say hello?

哈囉.

Your brother's a real friend.

He's a romantic.

Max tell you I was getting out today?

Max? No.

You remembered yourself?

No, Moe. It's always Moe.

Yeah.

You weren't counting the days?

Of course I was. 4344, 4343, I lost track at three thousand.

That wasn't my choice.

Yes, it was. It still is.

Did you come here to welcome me back at least?

I still live here. I was on my way out. Moe said I should say hello.

I hope Moe didn't have to bend your arm or anything.

No. Welcome back, Noodles.

You dancing?

Every night at the Palace Theatre.

I've made some progress since I danced here among the brooms and the empties.

You can come spy on me if you like.If you have time.

Every night.

Go on, Noodles, your mother's calling you.

It's good to see you again, Noodles.

她轉身離開後，他仍戀戀不捨地回味著。頓了好一會才說出那句，My pleasure。
像一種曲終人散的嘆息。

這些對話顯得多麽客套，卻掩不出其中呼之欲出的深情，與思念。


又過了些年。在幹完一筆大買賣之後，他要離開了，和他終生的摯愛去赴一場約會。
他為她包下了一整座飯店，那是會讓任何一個女人心動的舉動。

Been waiting long?

All my life.
You wanted a place by the ocean. I had it opened. It was closed for the season.
All these tables are for two people
Pick whatever one you want.

I like this one.

Here, sit down.

........

You've been around.
Who's teaching you that stuff?

You mean a sugar daddy, who tries to teach me how to act?

I read books. I want to know everything.
Doesn't it make sense to have plans?

Yeah, it does.

What about me? Am I in any of these plans?

Noodles...You're the only person that I have ever...

Ever what? Go ahead.

Ever what?

That I ever cared about.
But you'd lock me up and throw away the key, wouldn't you?

Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.

And the thing is, I probably wouldn't even mind.

So?

So I got to get to where I'm going.

And where's that?

To the top.

......

To keep from going crazy, you have to cut yourself off from the outside world.
Just not think about it.
Yet there were years that went by, it seemed like...
...no time at all because you're not doing anything.
There were two things I couldn't get out of my mind. One was Dominic.
The way he said, "I slipped," just before he died.
The other was you.
How you used to read me your song of songs, remember?
How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince's daughter
I used to read the Bible every night.
Every night I used to think about you.
Your navel is a bowl, well-rounded with no lack of wine.
Your belly, a heap of wheat surrounded with lilies.
Your breasts, clusters of grapes.
Your breath, sweet-scented as apples.
Nobody's gonna love you the way I loved you.
At times I couldn't stand it.
I used to think of you.
I'd think, "Deborah lives.She's out there. She exists."
And that would get me through it all.
You know how important that was to me?



他們躺在沙灘上，像少年時那樣説話。Noodles為她念了一首自己寫的稚嫩詩歌。
藍色的淺淺海灣，甜美的眼睛，時間的斷層似乎在一點點地修復。好像又回到少年時在倉庫裏的親昵，在灰白色的煙塵中散發出特殊的溫情。
也許是命中注定，Deborah人影憧憧的舞臺上，不願給Noodles一個容身之地。

I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Hollywood.
I wanted to see you tonight to tell you.

在沉甸甸的失望中，Noodles做了一件導致他們之間決裂的事。
35年，再沒有相見。



35年以後。Noodles收到神秘請柬而回到紐約。Deborah已是大紅大紫的明星。他來到她卸妝的後臺。曾經的那麽多，好像隻是話語末尾殘留的式微的一絲感傷。

Why do you want to see me?

Two reasons.
Wanted to see if you did the right thing,turning me down to become an actress.

Well?

You did. You're terrific.

"Age cannot wither her."
It's like the play was written for you.

.....

Just tell me you've been living with him all these years, and you're his lover.

Age can wither me, Noodles.
We're both getting old.
All that we have left now are our memories.
If you go to that party on Saturday night, you won't have those anymore.
Tear up that invitation.
There's an exit back this way.
Noodles, go through it.
Keep walking.
Don't turn around.
Please, Noodles.
I'm begging you. Please.

Are you afraid that I'll turn into a pillar of salt?

If you go out that door, yes.
This is Secretary Bailey's son.
His name's David, just like yours.




我愛這部電影，Once Upon A Time In America。

這些片斷，只是這部漫長的電影裏的一條綫。史詩裏表達的東西太多，很難釐清。一開始播放，到結束，唸唸不忘的總是那悠揚的背景音樂。像一根細而堅韌的尼龍綫，勒到雙手出血液不會被拉斷，柔弱而頑強地把六十多年的多愁善感拖到你面前。

我喜歡真實。唱針在密紋唱片上軋到了細塵，僕仆地響。許多混亂中的期待也弄不見了。