me, tatyana

when a woman loves a man for the first time,
she doesn't have to write him a poem.
but if she's got no skill playing the game,
don't be surprised at the first love letter she has ever made.

(suddenly i came up with one stanza and can't help but go on writing.)
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it is full of passion, yes;
it is an emotion on flame.
dampen it, you proud vagabond!
and you will never see it again.

love is not love
which alters when it alteration finds.
people read this loving sonnet,
knowing not what true love is.

love is not a vow,
not gratitude, not responsibility.
love needs no skill,
no reason-why, no orthodoxy.

people have set too many rules for love,
which, unfortunately,
brings marriage down to tokenism and
disgraces love as a burden.

you can hear them say:
i've been there,
so the most reasonable thing i shall advise you
is adhereing to the rules here:

man pursues,
woman is pursued;
man courts,
woman is settled.

man loves angel,
and demon too.
man catches the two-side pretty face.
woman keeps forever the moderatest pace.

so man regrets
when woman rejects;
man recaptures
when woman reconciles.

it seems to me that all these rules
follow the basic instincts of men
but, believe it or not,
go against something of mine.

people think a woman should stay pliant,
since it's her nature to rely.
seeing into her heart and one will find
that pliantness in fact stays outside.

most women could not see into themselves,
because men instead have spoken on behalf of them.
a good love story always goes like this:
the boy writes his 100th love letter, and finally the girl says "i agree".

ridiculous!
if the girl does't love the boy from the first letter
she won't love him till even the 1000th;
if the she loves him she nods right after reading the very first line.

why these hesitation, why these put-on-airs?
it's not because of the uncertain heart of the girl,
but of "rule" that "man likes to pursue".
and certainly she knows.

the boy thinks he has flattered his girl,
but in fact the girl flatters the boy's sense of triumph.
they are so deep in the illusion of mutual flattery
that they misunderstands the essence of love.

it seems that she is rational in choosing her mr. right,
whilst she runs the opposite way to happiness.
--happiness never contradicts reason,
now far from reason she is.

all the flattery with no exchange of soul
--the 100 love letters read just the same.
she could take this mr. right as mr. all right,
as long as he sings for her beautiful eyes.

if you really wants to test his trueness, girl,
ask nothing of his wealth, but of his fame.
you may be his most beloved however never his best friend.
if you accept this you accept love without faith.

so i come up with my first love letter
to life, to feelings, and to my lover.
let no flattery and pretence in between you and me.
nobody is perfect. i just need one whose love sets me free.

don't you leave my love untamed?
a man who cast aside the rules in turn unfold his own wings.
what i can boast before my mother is
that i have pursued more than merely a ring.

you don't have to prove your love through the blood spilt onto the ground,
or i'd rather marry a soldier.
others may make a wife out of me,
you make a true friend that i can see.

now you see through me as you read through this love letter.
i love the way how you differentiate youself from the world
and parallel my love with your nature.
and in the rest of my life i will never again use such words.

with shame and sincerity,
tatYANa