轉載：怪醫豪斯妙語集錦（第一輯）

      最近瘋狂迷上怪醫豪斯,撇開那些艱深拗口的醫學名詞不談,這片子儼然是福爾摩斯探案集和CSI的ER版本,當然本片最大的魅力還是來自於那位尖酸刻薄卻又料事如神的怪醫豪斯. 豪斯的妙語奇談儼然是個醫生版的魔鬼詞典,既令人捧腹,又使人深思.

Dr. Foreman: Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?
醫治病人難道不是我們成為醫生的原因嗎?
House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.
不,醫治疾病才是我們做醫生的原因,醫治病人則是醫生痛苦的根源.

House: People don't want a sick doctor.
人們不喜歡生病的醫生.
Dr. Wilson: That's fair enough, I don't like healthy patients.
那很公平,我也不喜歡健康的病人.

Dr. Foreman: Oh, Cameron, I need you for a couple of hours.
Cameron,你有空嗎?
Dr. Cameron: What's up?
什麼事?
Dr. Foreman: When you break into a house, its always better to have a white chick with you.
闖空門的時候,有個白人女性陪著比較保險.

House: What would you prefer - a doctor who holds your hand while you die or who ignores you while you get better?I guess it would particularly suck to have a doctor who ignores you while you die.
哪種醫生你比較喜歡-在你臨死時會陪在你身邊的醫生或者是當你病情好轉後不再搭理你的醫生?我猜你最討厭的是當你快死的時候不再搭理你的醫生.

Dan's Mother: How can you just sit there?
你怎麼能就這麼坐在那邊?
House: If I eat standing up, I spill.
如果我站著吃東西,就會灑出來.

House: Another reason I don't like meeting patients. If they don't know what you look like, they can't yell at you.
我不喜歡見病人的另一個原因就是,如果他們不知道你的樣子,他們就沒法衝你大吼大叫.

Dr. Wilson: You will lie, cheat and steal to get what you want, but you're incapable of kissing a little ass?
你為了得到你要的結果可以坑蒙拐騙,無所不用,怎麼就不能稍稍拍拍馬屁呢?
House: Well, we all have our limitations.
恩，人總是有缺點的.

House: No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20' between love and hate.
愛與恨並非只有一線之隔,愛與恨之間隔著一道十步一崗,五步一哨的中國長城.

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
抬起你的手臂,你體內有個寄生蟲
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
你是說象絛蟲一類的東西?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater.You can put your arms down.
撩起你的毛衣,躺下,把手放下來
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
你能除掉它嗎?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
在大多數洲里,除掉超過一個月大的這種寄生蟲是非法的.
Jill: Illegal?
非法的?
House: Don』t worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
別擔心,很多女人都會喜歡她們的寄生蟲,給它起名字,穿衣服,還讓它和其他的寄生蟲一起玩.
Jill: Playdates…
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.
它的眼睛很像你(這位女士懷孕了)

Dr. House: The most successful marriages are based on lies. You're off to a great start.
成功的婚姻都是謊言的基礎上建立起來的,你已經開了個好頭.

Dr. Wilson: I'm still amazed you're in the same room as a patient.
真令我驚訝,你居然還和患者待在一間屋子裡.
House: People don't bother me until they get teeth.
沒長牙的小傢伙我倒不怕.

House: What do you know about the nun?
你對那個修女有什麼看法?
Dr. Chase: Which one?
哪一個?
House: The cute one. I think she likes me. The sick one, obviously.
漂亮的那個,我想她喜歡上我了. 當然是生病的那個!!!!

House: It turns out your best judgment is not good enough. Here's an idea - next time, use mine
事實證明你最有把握的診斷還是不夠好,不如這樣吧,下次試試我的主意.

Luke: Is this a good hospital?
這家醫院好嗎?
House: Depends on what you mean by "good". I like the chairs.
這得看你對好醫院的定義了,我喜歡這裡的椅子.

House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
只要你盡力了,就表示你可以做任何你想做的事情
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
只要你不去盡力,你就可以說任何你想說的話.
House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!
那麼說我們兩個人加起來就做任何事,說任何話了，我們可以一起統治世界了.

Dr. Wilson: I love my wife.
House: You certainly love saying it.

House: You told me you hadn't changed your diet or exercise. Were you lying?
Samantha: Lying?
House: Does your husband have high blood pressure?
Samantha: My husband?
House: Yeah, see, if you're going to repeat everything I say, this conversation's going to take twice as long.

House: So what's her name and when do I get to meet her?
她的名字叫什麼,我什麼時候能見到她?(盤問Wilson的約會對象)
Dr. Wilson: There's nobody! Give it up!
別瞎猜了,根本沒這回事
House: Your lips say no, but your shoes say yes.
你嘴上說不,可你的鞋子洩漏了真相(WILSON換了雙漂亮的新鞋)
Dr. Wilson: They're French. You can't trust a word they say.
它們是法國貨,法國人的話一句都不能信.

Dr. Foreman: Why are you riding on me?
你為什麼對我這麼刻薄?
House: It's what I do. Has it gotten worse lately?
我就是這樣子,最近我變得更厲害了嗎?
Dr. Foreman: Yeah. Seems to me.
對我來說是的.
House: Really? Well, that rules out the race thing. You were just as black last week.
真的嗎?那麼肯定不是種族歧視的原因了,你還和上週一樣的黑.

Dr. Cameron: I'll check into it.
Dr. Foreman: I'll make the call.
Dr. Chase: I'll keep the kid alive. For a while at least.
House: I'll have lunch.

Dr. Foreman: The kid was just taking his AP calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseous and disoriented.
這個孩子在微積分考試當中突然感到噁心眩暈.
House: That's the way calculus presents.
當然這是微積分的作用啦

House: I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff upper lip British way of saying "no chance in hell"?
我認為你說的"有可能"就是"根本沒指望了"的英國表達方式.
Dr. Chase: I'm Australian.
我是澳洲人
House: You put the Queen on your money. You're British.
你們把女王的頭像印在錢幣上,你們就是英國人.

House: You're certainly boss. Like a wet tongue sticks to dry ice.

House: Like I always say, there's no 『I' in team. But there is 『me' if you jumble it up.
像我常說的,團隊裡沒有我存在,不過要是你把它打亂了,倒是有個ME存在.

茱莉亞: I thought you were supposed to be listening to our patient histories?
我認為你應該聽我們講解病史
House: No, I'm supposed to be teaching you. If I can do that without listening to you, more power to me.
不,我應該教導你們診斷病例,如果我不用聽你們講解就能診斷出來,那我就更加NB了.

Dr. Cameron: Yeah, I I trusted you.
House: You always trust me. That's a big mistake.

House: I take risks - sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die. So I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.
我承擔風險,有時病人會死,但如果我不冒風險,更多的病人會死,所以我最大的毛病就是我已經學會了算術.

Dr. Cuddy: Answer me.
House: Nothing I could say is going to change how you feel, and nothing could come out of your reaction that is going to change what I plan to do. So I prefer to say nothing.
不管我說什麼都不會改變你的想法,不管你說什麼都不會改變我的做法,所以我寧可什麼也不說.

Dr. Foreman: You know, House shouldn't even be here!
Dr. Chase: Because he said something inappropriate? If we sent him home every time he did that, he'd never be here. We wouldn't even need his office.

Dr. Wilson: She's beautiful!
House: She's beautiful so I should do it? What kind of logic is that?!?
Dr. Wilson: The envious, jealous 'I'm married and I can't do anything' logic!

Dr. Wilson: She's hot so she's a hooker? What kind of pathetic logic is that?
House: The envious, jealous 'I never got any in high school' logic. 哈囉?!?