瑪莉 and max精彩台詞摘抄

we don』t get to choose our warts. We can, however, choose our friends

特抄錄有趣台詞

1,瑪莉媽媽的料理

and her main ingredient was always sherry. She told 瑪莉 it was a type of tea for grown-ups

2, Max的電視

Max’s small television had picture but no sound.

His big television, sound but no picture.

3, 瑪莉寫信談論她的公雞

I have a rooster called Ethel that looks like this. He doesn』t lay eggs but will one day.

3,Max對Marjorie秋波的反應( 可憐的max)

He』d found the night even more unbearable because of Marjorie Butterworth’s strange glances.

Max had trouble understanding non-verbal signals.Flirting was as foreign to him as jogging.

4, MAX寫信談論小孩在美國是如何出生的

Unfortunately, in America, babies are not found in cola cans.

I asked my mother when I was four

and she said they came from eggs laid by rabbis.

If you aren』t Jewish, they』re laid by Catholic nuns.

If you』re an atheist, they』re laid by dirty, lonely prostitutes.

5, Max寫信談論亂扔菸頭的害處

Last week I picked up 128 cigarette butts. People are always littering in 紐約. I do not understand why people break laws. Butts are bad because they wash out to sea and fish smoke them and become nicotine dependent.

I am just joking because, of course, it is impossible for a cigarette to remain lit underwater.Also, fish do not have pockets to keep cigarette lighters in.

6, Max寫信談論樂透

Welcome to the 紐約 Lottery! I enjoy entering the lottery and have chosen the same numbers for 9 years.

7,Max寫信談論信仰

People like to believe in God because it answers complicated questions like where did the universe come from, do worms go to heaven…

8,Max寫信談論如何丟掉第六份工作

I had to work out how many ballpoint pens the Army needed. One day they did a security check and asked whether I was a member of any radical groups. I told them I was a member of the 紐約 Science Fiction Fan Club. They said this didn』t count but dismissed me anyway.

9,Max寫信談論被鳥類襲擊的杯具 (那個頭盔是笑點)

When I was 9, a crow attacked me on my way to school. I had to have three stitches and in spring I now wear a helmet with eyes I have painted on.

10,Max寫信談論速讀

Can you speed-read? I have taught myself to read two pages at once one eyeball per page.

11, 瑪莉寫信談論她的扣子代用品

Ethel pecked them off and Mum couldn』t thread a needle 『cos she』d been testing the sherry so she used pegs instead.

12,瑪莉寫信談論微笑 (好可憐的娃)

My teacher, Mrs Pendergast, says I should smile more. I told my mum and so she drawed a big smile on me.

13,Max寫信談論如何對抗暴力

Tell Bernie Clifford your birthmark is made of chocolate, which means when you get to heaven you will be in charge of all the chocolate. This of course is a lie, I do not like lies but in this case I think it will be of benefit. I wish I could be in charge of all the chocolate but, of course, I cannot because of my atheism…

14, Max寫信談論飲食和胖仙女(類比牙仙女o(╯□╰)o)

Dr. Bernard Hazelhof told me you should never weigh more than your refrigerator and to never eat anything bigger than your head. I once ate a watermelon bigger than my head but not all at once.

It would be good if there was a 『Fat Fairy』. She would be a bit like the Tooth Fairy but would suck out your fat.

15, Max寫信談論微笑

My mouth hardly ever smiles but it does not mean I am not smiling inside my brain.

16,瑪莉寫信談論減肥建議

Maybe you should only eat things beginning with the letter of each day. On Mondays you could only eat milkshakes, marshmallows and… mustard.

17, Ivy (Max的鄰居)捐款的去處

Ivy willed everything to the local cat shelter, whose owner relocated her kind donation to his bank account, his wife’s new breasts, a Ferrari and enough fuel to get to Mexico.

18, 瑪莉的疑問

do sheep shrink when it rains?

Why do old men wear their pants so high?

Do gooses get goosebumps and why is bellybutton lint blue?

And if a taxi goes backwards, does the driver owe you money?

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