Liz獨白memo

************這篇影評可能有雷************

@Bali
I have a friend, Deborah, a psychologist who was asked by the city of hiladelphia if she could offer psychological counseling to Cambodian refugees boat people, who had recently arrived in the city.
Deborah was daunted by the task. These Cambodians had suffered genocide, starvation, relatives murdered before their eyes years in refugee camps, harrowing boat trips to the West.
How could she relate to their suffering?
How could she help these people?
So guess what all these people wanted to talk to my friends Deborah, the psychologist.
It was all,"I met this guy in the refugee camp,I thought he really loved me,but when we got separated on the boat, he took up my cousin. But now he says he really loves me and he keeps calling me.They're married now, what should I do? I still love him..."
This is how we are.

I mean, here I am with a ninth-generation of medicine man,and what do I ask him about? Getting closer to God? Saving the world starving children? No,I wanna discuss my relationship.



@USA[6 months later]
I was getting a sinking feeling that Ketut’s prophecy was coming true. Was I in a shorter marriage? We'd only bought this house a year ago. Hadn't I wanted this?
I have actively participated in every moment of the creation of this life. So why did't I see myself in any of it?
The only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't wanna hurt anybody. I wanted to slip quietly out the back door and not stop running until I reached Greenland.
Instead, I made a decision. To pray, you know, like,to God. And it was such a flaring concept to me that I swear I almost began with'I am a big fan of your work.'
-Liz:"哈囉 God, nice to finally meet you.I...I am sorry I've never spoken directly to you before,but, I hope I have express my ample gratitude for all the blessings you've given to me in my life... I am in serious trouble. I don't know what to do. I need an answer. Please tell me what to do. Oh God help me,please. Tell me what to do and I will do it."
-"Go back to bed,Liz."
-史蒂夫n:"I don't wanna go to Aruba."
-Liz:" I don't wanna be married."

David, a yogi from Yonkers. I didn't exactly fall in love with the guy. What happed was I dove out of my marriage and into David's arms, exactly the same way a cartoon circus performer dives off a high platform and into a small cup of water,vanishing completely.

*
Liz(speech): "It begins when the object of your affection bestows upon you a heady hallucinogenic dose of something you've never even dared to admit you wanted an emoitional speedball of thunderous love and excitement. Soon you start craving that attention with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When it's withheld, you turn sick, crazy, not to mention resentful of the dealer who ecouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff.
Goddamn him, and he used to give it to you for free. Next stage finds you skinny, shaking in a corner certain only that you'd sell your soul just to have that one thing more time.
Meanwhile the object of you adoration is now repulsed by you.He looks at you like someone he's never met before.
The irony is you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a mess. Unrecognizable even to your own eyes.You have now reached infatuation's final destination.
The complete and merciless devaluation of self."
*



@Italy
There is a wonderful old Italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging:"Dear saint, please, please, please let me win the lottery."
Finally, the exasperated statue comes to life and looks down at the begging man and says:"My son, please, please, please buy a ticket."
So now I get the joke,and I've got three tickets.

*
Liz(E-mail):
Dear David,
We havent't had any communication in a while and it's given me time I needed to think.
Remenber when you said we should live with each other and be unhappy so we could be happy?Consider it a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so long pouring myself into that offer, trying to make it work. But a friend took me to the most amazing place the other day,its called, the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the Barbarians came, they trashed it along with everything else. The Great Augustus Rome's first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, one day would be in ruins?
It's one of the quietest and loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over centuries. Feels like a precious wound, like a heartbreak you won't let go of, cause it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same,David. Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins.
Then I looked around in this place,at the chaos its endured,the way its been adapted, burned, pillaged, and found a way to build itself back up again,and i was reassured. Maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic. It's just the world that is. And the only real trap is getting attached to any of it.Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.
Even in this eternal city. The Augustium showed me that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation.
Both of us deserve better than staying together because we're afraid we'll be destroyed if we don't.
*



@India
(during a meditation)
Okay.Simply empty your mind,breathe.
What am I going to du when this year is over?Where am I going to live?Well,maybe 芝加哥. Oh,my god,I could build a meditation room... No,stop thinking.Why is this so hard?
Screw you,Corella.How the hell does she do this?She looks like frigging Mother Teresa.
...
Oh,my god,kill me.= =

*
So the holy truth of the whole aventure here in India, is in one line,
God dwells within you as you.
God's not interested in watching a performance of how a spiritual person looks and behaves. The quiet girl who glides silently through the place with a gentle, ethereal smile, who is that person? That's Ingrid Bergman in the bells of St.瑪莉's, not me.
God dwells within me as me.
*



@Bali
Liz(Email to friends):
Dear friends and loved ones:
My birthday's coming up soon. If I were home, I'd be planning a stupid, expensive birthday party and you'd all be buying me gifts and bottles of wine.
A cheaper, more lovely way to celebrate would be to make a donation to help a healer named Wayan Nuriyasih buy a house in Indonesia.
She's a single mother. ln Bali, after a divorce, a woman gets nothing, not even her children. To gain custody of her daughter, Tutti, Wayan had to sell everything, even her bath mat, to pay for a lawyer. For years, they've moved from place to place. Each time, Wayan loses clientele and Tutti has to change schools. This little group of people in Bali have become my family. And we must take care of our families, wherever we find them.
Today l saw Tutti playing with a blue tile she'd found in the road near a hotel construction site. She told me, "Maybe if we have a house someday, it can have a pretty blue floor like this."
When I was in Italy, I learned a word -- 'tutti', which in ltalian means "everybody." So that's the lesson, isn't it? When you set out in the world to help yourself, sometimes you end up helping...'Tutti'.

*
In the end, I've come to believe in something I call 'the Physics of the Quest'. The rule of quest physics goes something like this:
If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything, from your house to bitter old resentments, and set out on a truth seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.
*
I can't help but believe it, given my experience.