You are a world traveler

昨晚，看完了茱莉亞·羅伯茨的《美食、祈禱和戀愛》，就像周聰兒說的那樣，是「抗爭了很久後躺在草地上看星星」的感覺。

凱圖，這個不知道自己是65歲還是109歲的老巫醫，每次的開場白都是：You are a world traveler。他教人們不要用腦子看世界，要用心看世界。

liz是個週遊世界的人氣作家，有著令人欽羨的家庭生活，然而就是這樣，她失去了吃飯的慾望、生活的慾望，周圍的事兒變得熟悉而陌生，彷彿一切都不是她所真正追求或期望的，她要逃離變質的婚姻，去尋找自我~與David的relationship讓她更加不知所措：It begins when the object of your affection...bestows upon you a heady hallucinogenic dose of something you've never even dared to admit you wanted...an emotional speed-ball of thunderous love and excitement. Soon you start craving that attention with hungry obsession of any junkie. When it's withheld, you turn sick,crazy,not to mention resentful of the dealer who encourged this addiction in the first place...but now refuses to pony up the good stuff...God damn him,and he used to give it to you for free.Next stage finds you skinny, shaking in a corner...certain only that you'd sell your soul...just to have that one thing one more time.Meanwhile,the object of your adoration is now repulsed by you. He looks at you like someone he's never met before. The irony is you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You are a mess...unrecognizable even to your own eyes. You have now reached infatuation's final destination.The complete and merciless devaluation of self...

當她來到義大利，提及自己的離婚時，老房東問她：現在比以前幸福嗎？顯然不是啊，就是迷茫而已。在老房東心裡，美國女性來到義大利只需要義大利麵和香腸，而liz需要的卻是改變和方向。我知道了義大利麵是需要用叉子捲著吃的，紅酒是需要一飲而盡的，酒的自然屬性是「therapist」；知道了義大利語是一種需要用手勢表達的語言，知道了義大利人的「無所事事的快樂」是「只懂得娛樂卻不懂得快樂」的美國人所不能理解的；知道了隨心所欲就是「每天起床不必拼命想昨天吃了什麼，盤算著自己又能長幾斤肉，責怪自己怎麼管不住自己的嘴，只需要起床，再看一場球賽，然後去給自己買條更肥大的褲子」而已；知道了倫敦人的標籤是「stuffy」，斯德哥爾摩人的標籤是「conform」，紐約人的標籤是「ambition」or「soot」，羅馬人則是「sex」。。。於是，我想問自己，what's your word,which means who you are rather than what you do? 沒辦法回答啊，人生不能照著事先規劃好的「藍圖」去施工建造，所以迷茫彷彿成了生活的常態，總是不知道說什麼，不知道做什麼，即便每天每分每秒都被充實著，若不能體會到幸福，也只是明白「怎麼做卻不知道為什麼做」。

當你有所體會，能有個人聽你的感悟，是一件非常幸福的事兒。Remember when you said we should live with each other and be unhappy...so we could be happy?Consider it a testimony to how much I love you...that I spent so long pouring myself into that offer...trying to make it work.But a friend took me to the most amazing place the other day.It's called the Augusteum.Octavian Augustus built it to house,his remains.When the barbarians came, they trashed it along with everything else. The great Augustus,Rome's first true great emperor...how could he have imagined that Rome...the whole world,as far as he was concerned would one day be in ruins?It's one of the quietest and loneliest places in Rome.The city has grown up around it over centuries.It feel like a precious wound...like a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good.We all want things to stay the same.Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change,of things crumbling to ruins.Then I looked around in this place,at the chaos...it's endured...the way it's been adapted,burned,pillaged...then found a way to build itself back up again,and I was reassured.Maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic.It's just the world that is...and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it.Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. Even in this eternal city,the Augusteum showed me...that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation. Both of us deserve better than staying together,because we're afraid we'll be destroyed if we don't...

在離開義大利時，一群人過了一個傳統的感恩節，保守的老媽媽也說：thank God for my sexiness。然而她所不解的卻是「遠在國外又怎麼能找到丈夫成家呢」，你又不是lesbian。

liz以為印度是聖地，她要在冥想中得到淨化，卻怎麼也靜不下來~~也許，silence is a wonderful spiritual practice,miss him so miss him, love him so love him,send him some light and love every time you think of him,then drop it. 朋友告訴她，摒棄雜念，把空間騰出來，上帝就會佔據其中，帶給你很多你無法想像的愛。這段非常有感覺，我無法感同身受，但知道這是對的，將來自己一定會理解。一個小家碧玉的印度女孩，被包辦了婚姻，男方有前途有財富，但她卻覺得如臨大敵，因為她看不到happiness imagine，這個倒是很簡單，未知帶給人的一定首先是恐慌。

到巴厘島繼續尋找balance，按照凱圖的「期待」，她早上虔誠地冥想，白天欣賞巴厘，中午再去找凱圖，晚上再做個簡單的冥想，只是sit in silence and smile,smile with face,smile with mind,even smile in liver. In order to stay happy,you must always know where you are every moment,not too much God,not too much selfish,otherwise,life is too crazy. 無心插柳，她遇到了真愛，她不知這是不是會犧牲掉自己苦心尋找的平衡，她高喊著「不需要通過愛你來證明愛自己」，然凱圖告訴她「sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living balanced life」,跟隨著自己的心，liz終於勇敢地說出了她一年的所學「let's cross over」，開始了新的一段浸滿愛的boat trip！

這就是liz的尋找，跟隨她的腳步，我漸漸陶醉其中了。。。一本書，一張機票，一本護照就能構成一段旅行。。。平淡卻彌足珍貴。。。

前一段愛上了歐美的高智商電影，突然讓我感覺到拍出那樣電影的導演才稱得上是藝術家；前一段覺得「哲學」是個太過貴族的詞彙，因為好萊塢的導演很多都到哈佛、耶魯修哲學學位，以便在自己「精彩之極」的影片中加入超然的人文關懷；前一段覺得同學之間打招呼的話變成了「考研不？」，這不考研的壓力比考研的壓力還大；前一段驚嘆於宋的豆瓣，近500張英文唱片，我突然意識到了興趣的力量；前一段聽到了「big city」這個詞，意識到了大城市是要根據不同的能力分別作出定義的。。。