they are brothers, but i am alone

i clapped my hands when i read those lines,

"I saw happiness, happiness that should have been mine.
But I was wrong. His notebook reveals that he never had the life that I envied.
The family life that he craves one minute he rails against the next, demanding freedom.
His mind, his mind is a divided one. His soul is restless. His wife and child tormented by his fickle and contradictory nature."

yes, and why?
because i felt like that those were the most accurate descriptions about me.
yes, that why i felt painful all the time.
and i felt so good that a great genius can share the similar pain with me.

divided mind
restless soul

but i felt sad and scared and lonely again after i watched this films and felt sorry for both Alfred Borden or Sarah or Olivia and myself.

they are brothers, so they of course had divided minds and separated souls. they shared a big secret and lived its shades.

but i am alone. i have only one body, but have to bear two or three divided mind and soul that makes me desperately painful.

because, i do feel them strongly.
they are all great and romantic and maybe talented,
but they can not or will not fuse into one great one.

i have been thinking about acting like two people last semester.
and i want to design two me to divide some contradictory characters,
so they can think and do what they want to do separately.

that sounds crazy but interesting to me.
well,
since they can't live together.
i don't know which idea is better.
murder one?
or build two avax.