ALWAYS REMEMBER

Surprisingly good. Enticing and unpredictable. Not perfect of course, but enough for a thrilling watch.
Some goal that was historical and hard-fought that I'd been watching and waiting and wanting for months was just shattered this morning. Leaving me with even more months of misery ahead and a probable crushing end-result. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see a way out. I couldn't do a fuckin' thing.
In my desperation, I went head-first into my two favorite brands -- Starbucks and Subway. And it worked -- for a while. After that while, that sad, hopeless thought sneaked back into my mind and I got even more lost -- thanks to the fact that my life was already an aimless mess.
When I was choosing my movie of the day tonight with a troubled mind, I just wanted to avoid anything that might trigger any shred of a thought concerning my beloved Jen. As a result, I automatically leaned towards my old love -- Jim. The old flame burned much less bright, and therefore providing merely a familiar comfort, which was precisely what I needed. I tasted once again the beauty of not caring so much.
I don't ever want to be caught in such a situation ever, ever, ever again. I don't want to put my happiness in something or someone I have no control over. Even less when it has nothing to do with me or my life whatsoever. I don't want to feel so helpless anymore. It's the worst feeling in the world -- to see your happiness slip away from you, and there's nothing you can do but watch.