00:06:31,412I need t">
電影訊息
甜蜜劇中劇--A Cock and Bull Story

一个荒诞的故事/无稽之谈/项狄传

6.7 / 13,188人    94分鐘

導演: 麥克溫特波頓
編劇: Laurence Sterne 法蘭克卡崔爾波伊斯
演員: 史帝夫庫根 Rob Brydon 琦莉霍斯 雪莉韓德森
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2007-10-25 20:46:43

台詞摘錄

************這篇影評可能有雷************

one of the characters describes the original as "a masterwork of postmodernism before there was any modernism to be post."


00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:31,412
I need to pee!

103
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:33,448
Lift your
nightshirt up.

104
00:06:35,894 --> 00:06:38,226
Poke your little pecker
out the window.

105
00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:41,323
Do you think the time might come
when you don't make much of a fuss

106
00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:43,061
about passing
your water? That's it.

107
00:06:52,644 --> 00:06:56,239
That is a child actor
pretending to be me.
===============
00:08:10,088 --> 00:08:12,181
How did this happen?

132
00:08:12,224 --> 00:08:14,988
It was my fault.
I removed the weights

133
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,722
- from the sash window--
- What?

134
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:20,129
At Mr. Toby's request to make
mortars for the Siege of Namur.

135
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:23,396
I wish now with all my heart
I had cut off something else.

136
00:08:28,273 --> 00:08:30,173
My poor little Tristram.

137
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:39,284
So both my uncle
and myself were victims

138
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,047
of the Battle of Namur

139
00:08:41,086 --> 00:08:43,350
even though it took place
years before my birth.

140
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:47,325
I was not unmanned,
by the way.

141
00:08:47,359 --> 00:08:49,691
I was circumcised
like a lot of men--

142
00:08:49,728 --> 00:08:51,195
manly men.
=============
384
00:21:17,408 --> 00:21:20,002
It had ever been
my father's wish

385
00:21:20,044 --> 00:21:21,636
to have a son
with a big nose.

386
00:21:21,679 --> 00:21:24,739
All the great men
of antiquity had big noses,

387
00:21:24,782 --> 00:21:27,182
a nose like
Caesar, Dante,

388
00:21:27,218 --> 00:21:29,686
Pythagoras,
Newton,

389
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:31,916
Alexander the Great.

390
00:21:31,956 --> 00:21:33,890
But I'm getting
ahead of myself.
============
811
00:40:05,902 --> 00:40:08,268
Love stories are just as boring
as battle scenes.

812
00:40:08,305 --> 00:40:10,364
What is--
what is so original

813
00:40:10,407 --> 00:40:12,432
and exciting
about the novel

814
00:40:12,476 --> 00:40:14,671
is the "Tristrampedia."

815
00:40:14,711 --> 00:40:16,838
Where Tristram--

816
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,577
No no, it's where 華特
spends the entire pregnancy

817
00:40:20,617 --> 00:40:23,518
Iike compiling
this book of knowledge

818
00:40:23,553 --> 00:40:25,350
Iike an encyclopedia,

819
00:40:25,388 --> 00:40:27,413
just for his son.

820
00:40:28,692 --> 00:40:30,319
The Jewish custom
of circumcision

821
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:32,225
came to the Jews
by way of Egypt

822
00:40:32,262 --> 00:40:35,288
or possibly
from the Syrians

823
00:40:35,332 --> 00:40:38,130
or the Phoenicians
or the Capadocians,

824
00:40:38,168 --> 00:40:40,398
which suggests...

825
00:40:41,505 --> 00:40:46,306
that Zola and Pythagoras
and Ptolemy

826
00:40:46,343 --> 00:40:48,334
were all circumcised.

827
00:40:48,378 --> 00:40:51,472
If they submitted to it,
why not you?
===============
407
00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:24,398
Four fingers,

408
00:22:24,442 --> 00:22:26,273
- She's four fingers dilated--
- Good.

409
00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:30,041
The highest is Trismegistus
as in Hermes Trismegistus,

410
00:22:30,081 --> 00:22:33,778
the greatest philosopher,
the greatest law-giver,

411
00:22:33,818 --> 00:22:35,877
the greatest priest.

412
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,683
And he was an engineer.

413
00:22:37,722 --> 00:22:39,417
Then you should
call him that, then.

414
00:22:39,457 --> 00:22:41,982
The child should
be called Tristram.

415
00:22:42,026 --> 00:22:43,926
- Tristram, no.
- Tristram.

416
00:22:43,961 --> 00:22:47,488
No, Tristram's the worst.
Tristram is the dog's breath worst...
===========
437
00:23:34,879 --> 00:23:37,279
The name, sir,
the name, the name.

438
00:23:37,315 --> 00:23:39,215
- Trismegistus.
- Trismegistus.

439
00:23:39,250 --> 00:23:41,445
You're
a leaky vessel.

440
00:23:41,486 --> 00:23:44,319
Can you carry it the length
of the corridor without spilling?

441
00:23:44,355 --> 00:23:46,789
Trismegistus,
Trismegistus,

442
00:23:46,824 --> 00:23:48,655
Tris--
Tristram Gistus,
==========
453
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,653
I baptize you in the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Ghost.

454
00:24:19,690 --> 00:24:21,954
Tristram Shandy.

455
00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:24,985
All is well. Little Tristram is
made right with God.

456
00:24:31,035 --> 00:24:33,560
"...Brethren,
this child is regenerate,

457
00:24:33,604 --> 00:24:35,936
grafted into the body
of Christ's Church.

458
00:24:35,973 --> 00:24:38,100
Let us give thanks
to Almighty God..."
====================
468
00:25:18,516 --> 00:25:21,576
My son has been cursed
from the moment of his conception.

469
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,286
Now, I forgot to mention this.

470
00:25:25,323 --> 00:25:27,848
Well, it's not that I forgot.
It's more that I thought...

471
00:25:27,892 --> 00:25:30,417
I should save it until
we knew each other better.

472
00:25:30,461 --> 00:25:32,588
My father had
two domestic obligations

473
00:25:32,630 --> 00:25:35,827
and being a systematic man,
he liked to dispense them both at once.

474
00:25:38,169 --> 00:25:40,660
The first was
to wind the clock.

475
00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:43,173
The second
was more enjoyable.

476
00:25:43,207 --> 00:25:45,937
華特!

477
00:25:49,113 --> 00:25:51,479
You may be familiar
with Locke's Theory

478
00:25:51,515 --> 00:25:53,278
of the Association
of ldeas.

479
00:25:53,317 --> 00:25:55,751
It's been updated since
by Pavlov and his dog.

480
00:25:57,455 --> 00:25:59,946
If the dog hears the metronome
when he's being fed,

481
00:25:59,991 --> 00:26:02,926
the dog starts to associate
the metronome and food.

482
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,155
So in the end,
if he hears the metronome

483
00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:07,061
even when
there's no food,

484
00:26:07,098 --> 00:26:09,931
the dog starts
to salivate.

485
00:26:09,967 --> 00:26:13,562
A similar association of ideas
took root in my mother's head

486
00:26:13,604 --> 00:26:16,300
between one domestic
obligation and the other.

487
00:26:16,340 --> 00:26:18,831
As soon as she heard
my father winding the clock,

488
00:26:18,876 --> 00:26:21,606
she began to salivate,
as it were.

489
00:26:24,415 --> 00:26:26,713
Of course, it works
the other way around too.

490
00:26:26,751 --> 00:26:28,582
After a while,

491
00:26:28,619 --> 00:26:31,144
if you give the dog the food
without the metronome,

492
00:26:31,188 --> 00:26:32,951
the dog produces
no saliva.

493
00:26:32,990 --> 00:26:35,720
So on the occasion
my father came home

494
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,285
and was feeling so keen
to dispense one obligation

495
00:26:38,329 --> 00:26:42,129
he skipped the other,
he surprised my mother...

496
00:26:42,166 --> 00:26:43,690
華特.

497
00:26:43,734 --> 00:26:45,634
Elizabeth.

498
00:26:47,605 --> 00:26:52,167
...who was therefore unable
to produce any saliva.

499
00:26:57,415 --> 00:26:59,508
My dear...

500
00:26:59,550 --> 00:27:02,144
My dear, have you not
forgot to wind-up the clock?

501
00:27:10,328 --> 00:27:12,694
So it was the circumstances
of my conception

502
00:27:12,730 --> 00:27:16,496
were as confused
as those of my birth.
==============
1516
01:13:59,107 --> 01:14:01,473
It's like some Hollywood version
of "Tristram Shandy."

1517
01:14:01,510 --> 01:14:04,604
Yeah, Fassbinder
would have never sold out like that.

1518
01:14:04,646 --> 01:14:06,546
You know Fassbinder?

1519
01:14:06,581 --> 01:14:08,811
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow!

1520
01:14:08,850 --> 01:14:11,717
Which is
your favorite film?

1521
01:14:13,155 --> 01:14:14,816
The whole...

1522
01:14:14,856 --> 01:14:16,380
the corpus,
the bloody work.

1523
01:14:16,425 --> 01:14:18,916
"Fear Eats the Soul."

1524
01:14:18,960 --> 01:14:21,520
Yeah.

1525
01:14:21,563 --> 01:14:23,360
There's more truth
in that title

1526
01:14:23,398 --> 01:14:25,628
than there is in most whole movies,
you know?

1527
01:14:25,667 --> 01:14:27,658
- Yeah.
- But the thing is

1528
01:14:27,702 --> 01:14:31,001
he's such like
a powerful writer.

1529
01:14:31,039 --> 01:14:32,802
You know
"Schatten der Engel"

1530
01:14:32,841 --> 01:14:35,139
That is my favorite.

1531
01:14:35,177 --> 01:14:38,146
- Do you know that one?
- Is it the one with all the sex in it.

1532
01:14:38,180 --> 01:14:42,708
No, it's the one where lngrid Caven
is this prostitute,

1533
01:14:42,751 --> 01:14:45,743
but the thing is
that she's so beautiful

1534
01:14:45,787 --> 01:14:48,347
she doesn't even need
to touch the punters.

1535
01:14:48,390 --> 01:14:51,086
They're just happy
to, like, sit in her room

1536
01:14:51,126 --> 01:14:52,957
and just look at her.

1537
01:14:52,994 --> 01:14:56,191
The thing is that
humanity is so disgusting

1538
01:14:56,231 --> 01:15:00,099
they kind of, like, invade
and pollute her with their problems

1539
01:15:00,135 --> 01:15:02,899
and their insecurities
so that in the end,

1540
01:15:02,938 --> 01:15:05,702
it's actually better for her
to just fuck them.

1541
01:15:05,740 --> 01:15:07,935
You know, it's cleaner
for her to fuck them

1542
01:15:07,976 --> 01:15:09,466
than it is
to listen to them.

1543
01:15:09,511 --> 01:15:11,445
You're watching the movie
and you're, like,

1544
01:15:11,480 --> 01:15:13,345
"Just fuck them, Lilly!
Just fuck them!"

1545
01:15:13,381 --> 01:15:15,144
- Do you know what I mean?
- Fuck them.

1546
01:15:18,687 --> 01:15:20,450
Fill me
with your babies.

1547
01:15:27,696 --> 01:15:30,597
What what what?
What did you say?

1548
01:15:30,632 --> 01:15:33,465
What did you
just say?

1549
01:15:33,502 --> 01:15:36,528
I don't know.
I think I said, "Fuck me."

1550
01:15:36,571 --> 01:15:39,005
- I think.
- The thing is--

1551
01:15:39,040 --> 01:15:40,871
no, you said
something else.

1552
01:15:40,909 --> 01:15:42,638
That's not
what you said.

1553
01:15:42,677 --> 01:15:44,304
It's what I meant.
=================
955
00:46:38,027 --> 00:46:42,191
Dave's just been in
"Around the World in 80 Days."

956
00:46:42,232 --> 00:46:45,065
- Any battles?
- Well, not really.

957
00:46:45,101 --> 00:46:47,626
It was a Jackie Chan film.
Tell him--

958
00:46:47,670 --> 00:46:50,332
Do you know that
the best battle scene

959
00:46:50,373 --> 00:46:51,931
is in "Lancelot du Lac"?

960
00:46:51,975 --> 00:46:55,911
You know-- yeah, that's right,
the Bresson film.

961
00:46:55,945 --> 00:46:58,209
It's just there are
these two knights

962
00:46:58,248 --> 00:47:00,148
and they're both
encased in armor,

963
00:47:00,183 --> 00:47:02,174
and they just keep
clobbering each other.

964
00:47:02,218 --> 00:47:03,651
You know,
it goes on forever.

965
00:47:03,686 --> 00:47:05,415
You're just hitting
and hitting.

966
00:47:05,455 --> 00:47:09,687
It's actually like a metaphor for life,
you know?

967
00:47:10,010 --> 00:47:12,740
It's about the impossibility
of actually connecting

968
00:47:12,769 --> 00:47:14,293
with another
human being,

969
00:47:14,337 --> 00:47:16,703
because we're all wearing
these carapaces,

970
00:47:16,740 --> 00:47:20,801
this casing,
this rubbish, really.

971
00:47:20,844 --> 00:47:23,677
And the more
they hit and hit,

972
00:47:23,713 --> 00:47:27,080
actually,
the less they impact.

973
00:47:27,117 --> 00:47:30,086
It's-it's just...

974
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,247
really really moving,
actually.

975
00:47:32,289 --> 00:47:34,120
Mm-hmm, wow.

976
00:47:34,157 --> 00:47:36,455
- I'll see you later.
- Okay, see you later then.

977
00:47:36,493 --> 00:47:38,427
See you later.

978
00:47:41,598 --> 00:47:43,828
What was all that about?

979
00:47:43,867 --> 00:47:45,892
Yeah, she's a bit
of a film nut.

980
00:47:45,936 --> 00:47:48,302
You should hear her
when she's on about Fassbinder.

981
00:47:48,338 --> 00:47:50,329
- Fassbinder?
- I've got a list

982
00:47:50,373 --> 00:47:53,399
of the men
that fell--

983
00:47:53,443 --> 00:47:55,968
92 died
that morning,

984
00:47:56,012 --> 00:47:58,105
so your chap was lucky
to be alive.

985
00:47:58,148 --> 00:48:02,983
I could fix up your lot
with real, accurate names,

986
00:48:03,019 --> 00:48:05,749
and then they can shout out
their names to each other

987
00:48:05,789 --> 00:48:07,416
in the heat
of the battle.

988
00:48:07,457 --> 00:48:11,257
- What do we think?
- Thank you. That would be really--

989
00:48:11,294 --> 00:48:13,285
Have you seen
"Cold Mountain"?

990
00:48:13,330 --> 00:48:15,764
- Yeah.
- What do you think?

991
00:48:15,799 --> 00:48:17,790
I thought
it was good.

992
00:48:17,834 --> 00:48:20,029
I thought Nicole Kidman
was a bit old,

993
00:48:20,070 --> 00:48:23,096
- but I thought it was a good film--
- No no, the battle scenes.

994
00:48:23,139 --> 00:48:25,073
Oh, fantastic!
Very very good.

995
00:48:25,108 --> 00:48:27,736
That explosion
and when he jumps down...

996
00:48:27,777 --> 00:48:29,711
- That was the best one.
- It's shite!

997
00:48:29,746 --> 00:48:32,374
Utter shite
from beginning to end.
=============
I looked this up after 'A Cock and Bull Story' was broadcast on the BBC the other night. Weirdly enough, the title she mentioned was 'Schatten der Engel' (1976), which, while based on a Fassbinder play, was not actually directed by Fassbinder himself. Presumably this was intended as an in-joke by the screenwriter (i.e. designed to give curious viewers some trouble searching it out - ditto with her reference to one of the hardest-to-find Bressons, 'Lancelot du Lac').========
====
1014
00:49:28,738 --> 00:49:30,968
Bach.

1015
00:49:31,007 --> 00:49:33,271
It has a calming effect
on babies.

1016
00:49:33,310 --> 00:49:35,505
My parents never
played me Bach.

1017
00:49:35,545 --> 00:49:38,173
They played me
New Seekers.

1018
00:49:38,214 --> 00:49:40,148
I turned out fine.
=======
1249
00:59:59,268 --> 01:00:01,202
when we visited
Shandy Hall?

1250
01:00:01,237 --> 01:00:04,604
The theme of "Tristram Shandy"
is a very simple one--

1251
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,972
Life is chaotic,
it's amorphous.

1252
01:00:07,009 --> 01:00:11,343
No matter how hard you try, you can't
actually make it fit any shape.

1253
01:00:11,380 --> 01:00:14,713
Tristram himself is trying
to write his life's story,

1254
01:00:14,750 --> 01:00:18,117
but it escapes him
'cause life is too full, too rich

1255
01:00:18,154 --> 01:00:20,987
to be able to be
captured by art.

1256
01:00:21,023 --> 01:00:24,356
And his father 華特
tries to plan every aspect

1257
01:00:24,393 --> 01:00:28,352
of Tristram's birth,
conception, childhood and so on,

1258
01:00:28,397 --> 01:00:30,865
and his plans
all go wrong.
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